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“Sex and Relationships”

a Bumper Bundle of 5 major works that have shaped our lives, our thinking, and the way we relate to each other today

HINTS FOR LOVERS

by Arnold Haultain

This amazingly witty and elegant book was first published in 1909 and today, 100 years later, it still speaks to us with the incredibly direct and shocking force of truth. The truth about men and women and how they deal with each other.

Haultain uses the aphorism (“a short, neatly expressed general truth”) as his key to combining humour and accurate perception – a bit in the school of Oscar Wilde if you like.

This book is unmissable – and republished especially to accompany our course on male health, “The Sexual Man”. We have illustrated this ebook handsomely with vintage images of beautiful women – the perfect accompaniment to this glorious prose.

We have edited and corrected a substantial number of errors found in the surviving records of the original publication.

I make you a scary challenge – once you’ve read this book, will you dare to let your woman read it too? You might – but then again you might not!!

Look at a small sprinkling of quotes to whet your appetite:

Whatever the talents of a man, they are stimulated by contact with woman.

To women the profoundest mysteries of the universe give place to two things: a lover, and a baby. - But perhaps these are the profoundest mysteries of the universe.

Even when a woman has deceived and betrayed, she does not regard herself culpable.  Always, she says to herself, she was driven to it, and therefore she is blameless.  Accordingly a penitent woman is rare.

No woman is a simpleton.

A woman's faith in a man works wonders.

A wise man will neither oppose nor appeal to a woman through reason.

A woman's answer to an insuperable argument is: a look. And a most cogent answer it is. 

An independent woman is a contradiction in terms.  For woman's chief want is to feel that she is wanted.  Therefore it is that with women, cruelty is more easily borne than coldness.  Indeed, it is astonishing how much downright cruelty a woman will stand from the man she loves or has loved. 

A wounded love carries a scar to the grave.

The number of modes in which a woman can say 'Yes' has not, up to the present, been accurately enumerated;

Courtship asks for cash payment.  Matrimony has often to allow unlimited credit.  Insolvency is not unknown.

The most interesting man or woman is perhaps the one most interested in us.

Women know women.  And women know that women know men.  And women know that men do not know women.

So completely do women know men, that it is easy for any woman to delude any man. 

In no instance are a woman's tact and finesse so exercised as in playing off one man against another

The woman who has learned how to minister to a man's creature comforts has learned much. 

Never play pranks with your wife, your horse, or your razor.

Ultimately the author places the poor, suffering human heart into the context of the Universe and reaches some profound conclusions.

Everyone will benefit from reading this forgotten jewel of a book. As I say – it is unmissable – and we have republished it and now offer it in a package with 4 other seminal works, which together combine a cornucopia of wisdom on the needs of men and women and how they can best meet these needs with each other.

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See also:

“Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality” by Sigmund Freud

“Marriage And Love” by Emma Goldman

“Falling In Love” by Grant Allen

“The Evolution of Love” by Emil Lucka

Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality

Sigmund Freud

This book is the ultimate classic work on sexuality. 100 years ago Freud absolutely revolutionised our understanding of ourselves and that most powerful of our human drives – sex.

In these three seminal essays Freud’s focus varies widely across subjects such as perversions, homosexuality (“inversion”), oral and anal sex, sado-masochism, erogenous zones - and posits the now well-known concepts of castration anxiety, penis envy, Oedipus complex and many other areas of sexuality.

He also pioneers investigation in to what extent such symptoms are made worse by psychological conditions.

Freud’s analytical skills explore our early sexual drives as infants – long before what was generally assumed as being the birth of our sexuality: puberty.

A thorough examination of sexual arousal and the role played by the libido is another massively crucial contribution to our modern understanding of sex.

Here, republished especially to accompany our course “The Sexual Man”, are Freud’s three key essays on this topic. The following quote from Wikipedia reinforces the huge importance of these works.

Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality is a 1905 work by Sigmund Freud which advanced his theory of sexuality, in particular its relation to childhood. Together with Interpretations of Dreams, these essays are one of Freud's most momentous and original contributions to human knowledge.

In short, Freud argued that "perversion" was present even among the healthy, and that the path towards a mature and normal sexual attitude began not at puberty but at early childhood (see psychosexual development). Looking at children, Freud claimed to find a number of practices which looked innocuous but were really forms of sexual activity (thumb sucking was a primary example, the implications being fairly obvious). Freud also sought to link his theory of the unconscious put forward in The Interpretation of Dreams (1899) and his work on hysteria by means of positing sexuality as the driving force of both neuroses (through repression) and perversion. It also included the concepts of penis envy, castration anxiety, and the Oedipus complex.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This edition is faithful to the original, uncut in any way – and has the addition of a major portrait of Freud himself.

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Marriage and Love

EMMA GOLDMAN

This is an astonishing diatribe against marriage – written by a woman, albeit a well-known and much talked about Anarchist – in 1911!

This was a period in which marriage was just about all that was available to women, aside from being dependent on relatives, a companion, or a teacher. But already there was talk of what would soon become a phenomenon – “the New Woman”. Emma Goldman must be counted as one of those who paved the way.

This splendid eye-opening essay was published by the Mother Earth Publishing Association – “THE ONLY ANARCHIST MONTHLY IN AMERICA” Today we think of the anarchists of 100 years ago as shady individuals stalking the streets of London at night with big round bombs and long fuses in their hands, doing much the same sort of task as the fervent and bigoted religious revolutionaries of today. In other words “terrorists”.

But NO – we’d be wrong. The bombs were certainly there – but this magazine had a fascinating and forward-thinking agenda, comprising

“A revolutionary literary magazine devoted to Anarchist thought in sociology, economics, education, and life; Articles by leading Anarchists and radical thinkers; International Notes giving a summary of the revolutionary activities in various countries; Reviews of modern books and the drama.”

This superb pamphlet on the wickedness and stupidty of marriage is so close to much of modern thinking as to be uncanny!  OK, social conditions for women especially (but also for men) have changed enormously.

We are all much freer from the shackles of convention than we were – but this swingeing condemnation of the status quo, and paeon of praise for the virtues of true love, are so eloquent that no-one can fail to be moved by the passion of this small but powerful pamphlet – with its urgent agenda of blowing up the staid and stupifying conventions that our forebears laboured under.

Take a quick look:

There are today large numbers of men and women to whom marriage is naught but a farce, but who submit to it for the sake of public opinion

Marriage is primarily an economic arrangement, an insurance pact

"Ye who enter here leave all hope behind."

The institution of marriage makes a parasite of woman, an absolute dependent.

Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful moulder of human destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that poor little State and Church-begotten weed, marriage?

Free love? As if love is anything but free!

The marriage institution is our only safety valve against the pernicious sex awakening of woman.

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FALLING IN LOVE

By Grant Allen

This is a splendidly vigorous and hearty attack on the attempts of one Sir George Campbell to prescribe arranged marriages for the western world (an important element in the development of then popular theories of eugenics).

“He would always like to regulate human life generally as a department of the India Office; and so Sir George Campbell would fain have husbands and wives selected for one another (perhaps on Dr. Johnson's principle, by the Lord Chancellor) with a view to the future development of the race.”

On the contrary, author Grant Allen comes out with all guns blazing in favour of the good old messy way of doing things – falling in love.

“Falling in Love, as modern biology teaches us to believe, is nothing more than the latest, highest, and most involved exemplification, in the human race, of that almost universal selective process which Mr. Darwin has enabled us to recognise throughout the whole long series of the animal kingdom.”

This delightful and bluff short essay is an entertaining validation of being in love – probably many times! Arranged marriages are still a central tenet to many of today’s cultures, so the debate still rages in many quarters.

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THE EVOLUTION OF LOVE

EMIL LUCKA

This special condensed Edition comprises 3 of the essays from the original:

THE SEXUAL INSTINCT

THE CONFLICT BETWEEN SEXUALITY AND LOVE: The Seeker of Love and The Slave of Love

THE REVENGE OF SEXUALITY: The Demoniacal and the Obscene

In this fascinating and penetrating study of the development of the sexual instinct in the human race and from it the development of love, we have selected for this republication three of the most important essays for us today.

From the birth of primitive man, through to the Greek culture of the Ideal and the classic contrast between sexuality and Platonic love, the author traces an aspect of our evolution that throws a profound light on where we are at today.

In addition, what we see as modern perversions can be placed into this historical context. The difference between Don Juan and Casanova becomes clear. Why we are what we are becomes comprehensible. The sources of eroticism become meaningful.

For example:

“Women cannot resist a man to whom they mean much, everything. It is as if they were compelled to throw themselves into the chasm of his vacuity— every fresh victim with the fond hope of filling it— but all of them perish. And yet, at the moment of their defeat they are supremely happy, for they experience the full intensity of his passion and the boundlessness of his longing. The erotic craving of a man simply means that women are to him the most important thing in life. Women instinctively yield to that man who most eagerly desires them.”

Finally a comparison between eroticism and spiritual fervour, between sexuality and demonic preoccupation explains much about the modern acceptance of witchcraft and devil worship.

These three essays are a fantastic read and have a huge amount to tell us about ourselves.

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